


I knew all along, I just didn't know it yet

by AngstyAlice



Category: British Actor RPF, Doctor Who, Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Dating, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Innocence, Love, Mattex, Romance, awkward times, cuteness, smut later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-09 21:18:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 16,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1150891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngstyAlice/pseuds/AngstyAlice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex and Matt meet on set for the first time. A wonderful friendship starts, they want something more, but won't let others see. Will they let it be?<br/>awkwardness then a smutty chapter then romance angst and fluff. </p>
<p>(I suck at summaries)<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Getting to Know you

**Author's Note:**

> -My first fanfic that I'm actually posting. Kudos, comments, and constructive criticism welcome. (please don't be too mean)
> 
> -I know the first few chapters are slow but it picks up I swear, just need to set some groundwork first. 
> 
> -I know nothing about their real lives and I don't claim to. This fic is for fun.
> 
> Enjoy!

She didn't know what to expect. Last time she filmed here it was with David Tennant. New doctor, new chemistry. She tried not to worry but sometimes you can't help yourself. So there she stood and introduced herself to the new doctor. And boy was he new. He looked so young and innocent, something about his gaze held her captivated. She just shook off the thought and proceeded to the table for the read through.

It was the first week of filming together, his body is a little worse for wear but that didn’t matter. He got to work with Alex Kingston. The beautiful, perfect Alex. He tried not to stare whenever she walked in the room but he couldn't help himself.

During a midday break Alex went to her trailer to catch up on a book she was reading and relax. She didn't want to interfere in the closely knit group. When she hears a knock at the door.

“Come in.”

“Uh, hey” Matt says awkwardly. “Kazza and some of the crew guys are going to the pub after wrap today. I wanted to make sure you knew you're invited too.”

“Oh, thanks. But I think I'll just head home. Don't want an old lady crashing the party.” She says with a smile that forgets to make it to her eyes. “You lot have fun.”

“Well, its been a long week, not sure if I'm up for socializing today. But, it's always a good time if you change your mind.”

“Have a good night in then, and thanks I appreciate the invite.”

“Anytime, I should get going. See you on set.”

“See you sweetie”

Matt stumbles out the door and she goes back to reading.

 

****************

Filming finishes for the day and as Alex walks to her car Matt catches up with her.

“Hey! Wait up!” he yells across the car park.

She waits thinking she just forgot her phone somewhere, she curses her nasty habit of forgetting things.

“What can I help you with darling?” she says as he finally reaches her, breathing heavy. He makes a note to run more.

“Well” He mumbles “I was wondering if you wanted to get a cuppa on your way home?”

“I thought you weren't up for socializing today?” she says with a perked eyebrow.

  
“Uh, er, yeah.... well, three or more mates is socializing. One other person is hanging out. Right?”

She laughs and he feels his heart skip a beat. _He's so cute when he's flustered._

“Sure. How about we meet at that cute cafe on the corner by the flats in 15?”

“Sounds good Kingston. See you in a few” He saunters off.

She smiles at herself, hearing him say her name makes her knees weak. _What is he doing to me? Maybe this is a bad idea. Too late to say no now but I can't do this. Is there even a 'this' that I'm doing?_ She realizes she's been plastered in place and rushes to her car so she can go home and get ready.

****************

She showed up at the cafe right on time.  _Early is on time and on time is late_. He is sitting at a corner table of the busy cafe holding two to-go cups. He smiles and walks over when her sees her, handing a cup over and giving an awkward one armed hug. She smiles and accepts the warm liquid.

“I figured we could walk and talk. It's busy in here.”

“Sounds good” she replies, turning to the door.  _I'm glad I wore flats._  He stares as her hips sway away. Then rushes to her side.

It's a brisk day, a bit of a chill in the air. But, he's glad for once it isn't raining.

They walk around the block making small talk. Every once and awhile he'll make a joke and she'll sway her shoulder into his with a laugh.  _I could get used to this_  he thinks with a silly grin across his face.

The sun starts to set and he see's her hands tighten against the now empty cup. He takes it from her and tosses it in the nearest trash. Pausing he takes off his coat and wraps it around her shoulders.

“Thanks, but aren't you cold?”

“The walking is keeping me warm”  _But looking in your eyes set a fire inside my stomach_.

“Well, we should keep walking then” She states. Realizing that they're just been standing there staring at each other for a good five minutes.

“Good idea, Kingston.” _There it is again. Can I trust my legs to walk?_

They make it back to the flats and she shrugs off his coat nonchalantly. Handing it back.

“Thanks”

“Anytime. I'll see you on Monday, yeah? I hear we're filming the fun stuff.” he winks

“Sounds good darling” She smiles back.

She walks inside after fumbling with her keys. Closing the door she leans back against it sliding to the floor.  _Come on! You're a grown woman, not a school girl! He's what? Almost half your age!?! you're being ridiculous. Shit. You can't like him._

He stands frozen in place watching her fumbling for her key. Once she makes it inside he smiles and flings himself around. Stopping, he looks around hoping no one noticed. Then the cold air licks the back of his neck and he shivers walking back to his flat.  _Perfect. She's bloody perfect!!_


	2. letting the kettle boil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still a bit of a fluffy chapter, they will pick up more soon. 
> 
> Thank for the response to the first chapter. I appreciate anyone taking the time to read this fic. 
> 
> kudos, comments, constructive criticism encouraged. 
> 
> Enjoy!

 The weekend dragged on. Yet waking on Monday morning Alex woke up feeling as if no time passed. The butterflies in her stomach from Friday reappeared with a vengeance. Dragging herself into the kitchen she set up the pot of coffee and waited. Zoning out she replayed the events of their cafe date. _Was it a date? No, he said it was hanging out but it doesn’t feel like just that, it felt like more._

 

She shivered remembering the way his hand gently glanced against hers when he handed her the tea. The edges of her lips creeped up as she remembered the way he smiled, a glimmer of hope in his eyes as he said hello. A gentle laugh escaped her lips thinking of how he jumped around on the sidewalk with that silly grin. He didn't think she saw, but she did, glancing out the window to see him just one more time but watching the man flail in his excitement just made her happier. Her reverie interrupted by the coffee maker announcing itself, she snapped back to reality. Cursing Monday mornings, she downed the cup of joe and got ready to head to work. She skipped breakfast, too nervous to eat.

 

Matt couldn't stop himself from smiling all weekend. He was dancing around in his flat in just his pants for most of the weekend. Even had a new bruise on his shin from sliding into the coffee table to prove it. He was too giddy for his own good, staying up all night to replay their evening together in his head. Watching some of her movies during the day, this probably wasn't too good of an idea seeing as many of them had a scene or two that made him blush. And gave him ideas. Ideas he knew he shouldn't be having.

 

Monday came along and Matt was getting ready for the day, kettle on the oven. He started thinking about what they're filming today, getting to flirt outrageously with the woman he adores. About how he gets to save her, having her fall into the TARDIS. About how great it would be for her to fall on him. How he imagined touching the curve of her hip, wiping away the stray curl that falls across her face, brushing against her lips, holding her against him and feeling the warmth of her body. He jumped at the sound of the kettle, no more time for daydreams he had to get ready to a great reality.

 

****************

 

Upon arriving at the set Matt hunted down Moffat, finding him right before their first scene of the day together, the fall into the TARDIS.

 

“Hey Moff! Mornin'.”

 

“Hello, ready for the new week?”

 

“Yeah, uhm, I was actually thinking about that. This scene with River falling, uhm, don't you think it would be funny if she fell onto the Doctor when he went to save her?”

 

“Hmm, let me think about that. It might actually work with who she is. I'll let you know at set.”

 

“Good. Good. So, you going to tell me who she is yet? You told Alex and won't even tell the Doctor?”

 

“Time-lines, opposite time-lines. She needs to know, you don't.”

 

“Ugh, fine.” he moaned. “See you on set.” Matt made a point to pout as he shuffled away. Hearing Moffat's laugh behind him.

 

****************

 

This was it. Moffat had agreed. Matt had a scene with Karen he just finished, next up was the fall into the TARDIS. _I can do this, it was my crazy idea for goodness sake! Why did I have to say it out-loud? She's going to hate me for this. You'll be fine, you'll-be-fine, youllbefineyoullbefine._ He barely heard the soft footsteps coming onto set behind him.

 

His breath hitched as he turned and saw the beautiful woman walking towards him with a smile on her face. She was smiling back, in the beautiful outfit costume created, then let out the breath he was holding with a little laugh as he looked down and say the bright yellow crocs she was wearing on her feet.

 

Walking onto set Alex was worrying her lower lip, just getting the news for the change in scene. Seeing Matt stare at her she smiled, and took a deep breath. _It will be fine, I can do this. Stop being like a schoolgirl and get a hold of yourself!!_

 

“So, I hear you're becoming quite the director” She says pausing in front of him.

 

“What?” Matt asked, confused and only half paying attention as she drops her lip from her teeth. _She's so sexy when she does that, makes me want to bite that lip for her, I could bite so much more._ He feels his cheeks getting hot and tries to pay attention to what she's been saying.

 

“.... nothing against that but you know I think you should keep your day job. But, from what I know of River this is actually a good idea I think.”

 

 _Oh, she knew of the change in plans_. “Well, yeah I just though it'd be funny. So, you going to tell me who she is?”

 

“Spoilers” At using the characters line both actors let out a quick laugh. “So, what are you offering?” she continued with a wink.

 

“Oh, I can make it worth your while Kingston.” Matt blushed.

 

“I look forward to it”. Alex said as she sauntered away onto set. Hoping he didn't she her blush at use of her name.

 

 _This was going to be fun_. 


	3. Forest of Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> filming continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this isn't my best chapter. 
> 
> Comments, constructive criticism, and kudos are encouraged.
> 
> Enjoy!

 Filming continued as planned. The two part episode of course took a bit longer to film than normal episodes. But, no one was complaining, especially not Matt and Alex. It went smoothly, the natural chemistry kept the amount of takes to a minimum.

 

During the scenes River wasn't in Alex mostly stayed around the set watching the Doctor doing his scenes. He would look up, smile, and their eyes would meet after the director called 'cut'. She tried not to think anything of it, and smiled back.

 

By the time the end of the week rolled around they realized the shooting for the episodes was almost done, just two more weeks if everything's on time, and this will all be over. _You can hold yourself together for the rest of filming. He's not interested in you, he can't be. Why can't you just get over this?_

 

Matt finished the current scene with the solider-priest and the director called for a break to review the footage. He looked around and found where Alex was standing staring into space. _I wonder what she's thinking about. I doubt I have the luck for it to be about me._

 

She doesn't realize he's walking over to her until they are within arms reach and she pulls herself out of her thoughts.

 

“Hey, what were you thinking about? You definitely weren't here a few seconds ago”

 

“Oh, you know, always planning ahead. Just thinking about the scenes I still have.”

 

“Well, if you want we can go over them together later, sometime?”

 

“Sure, that'd be nice.”

 

“Okay. Good. Uh, yeah. I should get back over there.”

 

She laughs and he blushes. “Okay sweetie”

 

As he walks away he glances over his shoulder and says in a smooth voice “Oh, and I know what I'm prepared to offer.”

 

Her jaw drops as many thoughts run through her head, leaving her speechless.

 

****************

 

It gets confusing sometimes to never film scenes in order, but it makes sense to finish at one location before going to another. They’re at the woods set, spending the next few days in the chilly arena, needing the temperature cold enough to see their breath. Alex sits next to Karen on a log waiting for the crew to finish what they're fixing.

 

They're keeping their conversation light, talking about how its always raining in Cardiff, about moving to the US, about Karen's plans for the future in acting, and the transfer for her to acting from modeling. When there is a brief lull in the conversation there is a shift. Karen looks at Alex with a smile.

 

“So, have you told him?”

 

“What?” Alex's brow furrows.

 

“...” Karen has a sly smile sneaking across her face.

 

“What are you talking about?” She says with an awkward laugh.

 

“I'm not sure if it's my place, but Matt, have you told him you like him?”

 

“No! No, I haven't. Is it really that obvious?” A beet color flushing over her face.

 

“Well, yeah kind of. But, it's okay he likes you too.”

 

“Wait, he does?”

 

Before she gets the chance to answer the director walks up and tells them to get ready. Karen lays down, closing her eyes, Alex kneels over her, and Matt comes up from somewhere in the woods. The rest of the soldiers and angels gather around, and they are ready.

 

The cold sends chills down her back as Alex and Matt's hands glance against each other. They look up then try to play it off as if nothing happened, but they both let out a giggle. Karen hesitantly opens one of her eyes below them knowing the director will call 'cut' and starts laughing with them, not entirely knowing whats going on. But having a good idea.

 

The scene being repeated over and over at different angles until the director thinks he has enough material for the scene. Giving them a break while crew work to set up the next scene. They make plans to go to the bar after filming tonight.

 

The rest of the day goes along smoothly. There are little looks they give each-other, and accidental glances of hands against hand, of catching costars that trip over the roots of the set, holding on a bit to long before letting go. There was a lot of giggling and blushing for the rest of the day. The costars hoping that no one else realized what was going on, especially not the person causing the reactions.

 

Finally the blessed words are spoken, “That's a wrap for today, see you tomorrow”. Everyone heading to their trailers to change and get off the lot.  


	4. Closing time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the bar that night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorter chapter but a good one none the less.  
> May post the next one later this week.
> 
>  
> 
> As always: kudos, comments, and constructive criticism encouraged.  
> I own nothing, and don't claim to, this is purely for fun.
> 
> Enjoy!

 A few hours later cast and crew show up at the bar to de-stress. It's not too crowded as it is a weekday but enough you can't see across the room clearly. It's loud with the mix of people trying to talk above the music, with the bass extremely high reverberating through everyone's body.

 

Matt walks in and instantly his eyes glance across the room, setting on the crazy curls he sees sitting at the bar. He starts wandering in that direction when he feels a hand on his arm. Karen's skinny fingers grasping around his bicep.

 

“Oooo, you going to take her home? Kissy kissy time” Karen mildly slurred.

 

“I see you've been here awhile Kaz”

 

“Don't avoid the question”

 

“No, she doesn't even like me. Not like that.”

 

“Oh, but she does. She told me today.”

 

“What?! What exactly did she say?”

 

Before she had a chance to respond Karen ran through the crowd. Matt presumed to find a bathroom. He looked back to where he saw Alex sitting before. He barely caught a glimpse of her, phone to ear, escaping the bar to head outside. Moving forward he sits at the bar and orders a beer.

 

She returns a few minutes later to return to her seat, Matt now next to her. He sees her face is a bit pink, but brushes it off to the drink she was sipping on rather than the possibility that the phone call was upsetting. Ordering another drink and disposing of the one that remained before leaving the bar, they strike up a conversation. Superficial, but they both start to forget their public surroundings, only orienting at the few people who dare to interrupt.

 

“So, I'm about done if you want to go back to my flat” Matt suggests.

 

“What?” Alex is thrown off at this, getting flustered _Did he just ask me back to his flat?!_

 

“Yeah, you know, to go over the lines you were so entranced with earlier.” _Good save, hopefully she didn't catch that._

 

“Oh, uhm, can we rain-check?” _I don't think I could control my self in private with you under the influence of alcohol._

 

“Of course, no worries” _Bloody idiot, you just ruined everything! See Kazza was wrong, Alex wants nothing to do with you._

 

“Thanks darling, I'm going to head home and get some sleep. Early morning”

 

“I'll get you a taxi”

 

“I can walk” _Need to clear my head of you, hopefully fresh air will help with that._

 

“I'll walk with you.” _I don't want to let you go just yet._

 

“That's okay, stay, have fun.” _I can't catch my breath with you next to me._

 

“I insist. It's not safe this time of night.” _I just want to be around you._

 

They get up and start walking back to the flats, only a 15/20 minute walk away from the bar. They walked in silence, only broken by the stray car horn. Only a block left and Matt tries to break the silence.

 

“So tomorrow then? After work. For running lines.”

 

“Sounds good sweetie”

 

Silence continues until he walks with her to her flat. She goes through her purse looking for her keys, pulling them out she looks to him.

 

“Goodnight Matt”

 

“Goodnight Alex”

 

He turns to walk away as she slides her key into the lock. He doesn't know if it's his liquid courage, or the conversation with Karen earlier this evening, or the way she said his name, or a mix of all three. But he turns around, spinning her to face him, leaning down and kissing her. Kissing her with all the emotions he feels toward her. He could feel her body stiffen beneath him, then relax into the kiss.

 

Finally, it clicks what he just did. With a face as read as a beet he backs off, mumbling 'sorry' as he almost runs down the hallway to the stairs. Just leaving her standing there in shock.


	5. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The response to the unexpected kiss.  
> bit of a filler before they're back at work next chapter.
> 
> (bit of a short chapter but that happens)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the last chapter ended a bit odd, but it is based off something that happened to me. (I think my dude ran away cos he remembered i had a girlfriend but whatever, details details). However, sets up for some awesome awkwardness at work, oh innocence lol, stay tuned.
> 
>  
> 
> As always- kudos, comments, and constructive criticism welcome. Thank you for all who are reading this story.  
> I also don't own these people or claim to know their lives.
> 
> Enjoy!

 Alex stood there frozen in place, unaware of time passing around her, until she felt the familiar buzz of a text in her pocket. She reached in and found a text from Karen.

 

'You make it home okay?'

 

'Yeah, you?'

 

'Yes, thanks. See you tomm'.

 

With that Alex turned around and entered her flat. _What in bloody hell just happened? That kiss felt so real but then he just ran away and said 'sorry'. Nothing else, no text. Just running away. What did I do wrong? I liked it but it surprised me. Ugh._

 

She went into the living area browsing through movies knowing that she wouldn't be able to focus on one but knowing desperately she needed to be distracted. Giving up she moved to the bookshelf, also realizing she wouldn't be able to focus on that. She moved to the kitchen.

 

She didn't even know what she was looking for right now. Not hungry she moved from the pantry. Opening the liqueur cabinet she paused. But, she already had a drink today and promised after a bad experience in college to never drink to change emotions. Anyway, she signed away her right to self destruct a long time ago, when Salome was born. She may be in school half way across the world but it wouldn't lessen her guilt. Closing that she moves to the next one and finds what will truly distract her. She hauls out containers of flour, sugar, chocolate chips, and all the baking materials she can find.

 

Hours later as the sun comes up she finally comes out of the thoughts swirling in her head. She looks around at the cookies, cakes, cupcakes, and all the other items she made. Half of which she doesn't remember making. Then the fact that she's been up all night hits her like a wave. She just wants to crawl into her bed and sleep all day. Sighing, she cleans up what she can of the kitchen while her coffee prepares. She drinks two cups of coffee hoping she doesn't look as tired as she feels. Then, heads off to take a shower. Work awaits.

 

****************

 

Matt walked down the stairs kicking himself in the ass. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why did you do that?! Then to make it worse run away like that._

 

Matt found himself wandering around town, too fidgety to go back to his flat, knowing that sleep would elude him in this state. He just kept walking, focusing on the sting of the cool air in his lungs. Finally, he looked around realizing he had no idea where he was. That was not a deterrent. He just kept walking.

 

_What did I do? I need to fix this. How can I fix this? She doesn't realize how much I want her then I go and mess it up like this. What can I do to make it up to her? What did she think? She probably hates me now, with every right. What about working together, we still have to work together but she probably never wants to see my face again. Ugh, why did i have to mess this up?_

 

Finally he recognized his location, and started walking back to his flat. The sun was coming up over the buildings as he turned the corner to the flats. He was exhausted from roaming the streets all night. Heading in he made himself some coffee and took a shower. Begging the water to wash away the emotions and the bags under his eyes. Because, of course, work awaits.

 


	6. Back to work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quite possibly the most awkward day at work ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you're getting an extra chapter this week, yay! It is relatively short like the last one. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Kudos, comments, and constructive criticism always welcome. 
> 
> Enjoy!

 Awkward doesn't even start to explain it. It's quite possible that there isn't even a word invented that explains the rest of the day.

 

Alex headed into set, bringing most of what she baked to give to the staff. They always seemed to enjoy the food she brought in. She made it through the costume and make-up departments without running into Matt. But she knew it wouldn't last forever as they had a scene together today.

 

Matt was running late, like always, but today it was more on purpose than by accident. He managed to avoid Alex for most of the morning, he had scenes without her first. As lunch time came around he got more nervous. He knew she was already on set, people eating cookies walked past all morning raving. _It'll be fine right? We're all professionals. Stop freaking out._

Everyone knew something was up. The way both their faces aged decades in a day, bags under their eyes. Furrowed brows deep in concentration. Avoiding each other when they usually spent the whole day together. Of course, that means bets were being placed. It was a 4:1 split that they finally got together and had sex all night and they we're trying to hide it by avoiding each other. The other bets included that Matt was so nervous he couldn't get it up, that she walked in on him with another woman, that he walked in on her with another man, that she walked in on him with himself watching Moll Flanders, that he royally screwed it up somehow not thought of, and that professed his love outside the window with a boombox and she turned him down.  

Lunch time came and passed. It was time, no more hiding. Alex was dreading walking to set. _What do I say? Do I even have to say anything? I'm sure he regretted it but I didn't. I can't tell him that. Come on woman, you’re an actor, pull yourself together and get ready for the act of a lifetime._ Alex squared her shoulders, took a deep breath, plastered on a smile, and walked onto the set.

 

Matt was already there waiting. He looked up and tried to read her expression. _Hmm, she seems fine. Maybe she forgot? No, maybe shes just trying to ignore it. To ignore me._ Matt smiled back and walked up to her.

 

“Hey” T _ell me what you're thinking._

 

“Good afternoon darling” _Please don't make this hard._

 

“Awesome cupcakes” _So, we're ignoring this?_

 

“Thanks” _Yup_

 

Filming goes on for the afternoon, with a lot of awkward silence and sideways glances between takes. It was taking more takes then normal, the spark they usually had just wasn't there. The lines were dry, being delivered by the empty faces trying to carry on without a breakdown. Finally the director had it. “Fix whatever is going on with you two. We need chemistry, flirting, everything you normally do. Take 15 and when you come back you guys better be back to normal.” They walked off set together and headed back to the trailers.

 

“Okay. So, apparently we need to talk.” Matt broke the silence.

 

“It's fine, we're fine. Everyone has an off day.”

 

“No. I think we both know it's more than that.”

 

“I understand. You were drunk, I was available.”

 

“What? You think it was just because I was drunk?”

 

“I'm sorry. I know it was noth...”

 

“Don't even finish that sentence” Matt interrupted. “It may have meant nothing to you, and I'm okay with that. But it meant something to me. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to.”

 

“Then why did you run away?”

 

“I was scared.”

 

“Of what? Am I really that terrifying?” Alex said with a timid laugh.

 

“No no no! I was scared of this. That things would change. You're a great friend and I was afraid I bloody screwed that up.” _I was afraid that you'd reject me, and I'd lose you. I'd lose this, us._

 

“We're still friends, that didn't change anything” _Friend? I'm just a friend. Remember that, he doesn't want anything more._

 

“It was just a mistake. Won't happen again.” _She didnt say she felt anything. She thinks it was a mistake right?_

 

“Mistake. Yeah, right.” _See, he thinks it was a mistake. That I'm a mistake._

 

“Okay, yeah, good. So, we're good?” _She agrees._

 

“Yeah, we're good sweetie”

 

They walked back to set. Finishing the scene and day without a problem, but a bit of a crack in their hearts. _Friendship. It's only friendship._.

Matt's phone vibrated. Karen 'I heard what happened. We need to talk. Let me know when you're off'.

Knowing better than to argue Matt replies 'okay, my place at eight.'


	7. Thick Headed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt has to figure out how to make up for being so thick sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all have a good love day and I love everyone reading this. thank you all. In gratitude, you get an extra chapter today. (Not sure if that means you'll get the normal Monday one or not, but we'll see.)
> 
> There's a lot of conversing in this chapter. But word's must be spoken sometimes. 
> 
> As always- comments, kudos, and constructive criticism are encouraged.  
> As well, i don't know these people or claim to. 
> 
> Enjoy!

 Precisely at eight Matt heard a knock on his door. The answered to fin Karen standing there with a smirk and a six pack in her hand.

 

“Hey Kaz, come on in”

 

“Thanks. Thought you might need this” She said raising the beer to eye level.

 

“You always know” Matt laughed stepping aside.

 

They sat on the couch Matt brought out crisps and they sat there drinking and shooting the breeze. Finally Karen looked over at Matt, a very serious look on her face.

 

“You're a bloody wanker you know.”

 

“Oi, what was that for?”

 

“I heard what happened today. Now its your turn to tell me your side of the story.”

 

“Nothing really. I guess that's the problem. Last night I walked her home as you know. Then I went and kissed her. She didn't really respond so I left. Just walked away.”

 

“Idiot. You probably just surprised her.”

 

“I thought of that option too. Until today. She ignored me, then we had to talk. Apparently we were disrupting the sets chemistry or something. So I tried to explain, she didn't say anything so I apologized and said it was a mistake. Then she agreed! She doesn't like me she thought it was a mistake.”

 

“You can be thick sometimes. She loves you! She probably just was thinking of a response and you answered too fast. Of course she would agree if you thought it was a mistake.”

 

Matt froze at her words. “I didn't even think of that” he said moments later. “She just makes me so nervous that I screw everything up.”

 

“You have been making a lot of mistakes lately. That's why I'm here to help. Talk to me before you do anything else stupid, okay?”

 

“Deal” Matt says as he slugs down his drink. “So onto a happier subject. How are you an Arthur?”

 

Karen blushes and tries to change the subject. For some reason she's fine talking about his relationships but hates talking about her own. The night proceeds on a lighter mood. Every once and a while Karen will bring up something Matt can do to apologize to Alex.

 

****************

 

Alex rushed back to her flat at the end of the day, mind reeling. Slamming the door behind her and sloughing to the floor she releases a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Getting her bearings she entered the kitchen, started a kettle for tea and retreated to the living room.

 

_Mistake. Mistake?! He really said it was a mistake? Then why the hell did he do it in the first place? But at first he said he had wanted to and it meant something. Why did he back track so quickly? Maybe he changed his mind. I want to find out but I can't be hurt again. Why does this have to be so hard?_

 

The kettles whistle brought her thoughts back to the present. She made her tea and sat back down, unable to control the thoughts racing through her mind. The plans to figure out how he really felt. The concerns about being hurt again. How kissing him felt so right. How he ran away so quickly. How she already felt hurt and nothing had even started with him yet.

 

Her tea got cold and she still hadn't moved from her position perched on her couch. When, she heard her doorbell ring. _Who would be at my door at this ungodly hour?_ She thought while looking at the clock. 3 am. She had to be up in a few hours for another strange day at work.

 

Answering the door she gasped to see Karen and Matt standing there. Both with cheeks flushed from drinking, although clearly not drunk. Just enough intoxicated to make them bold, giving them the chance to make decisions they hadn't fully thought through. Like this one. She stepped aside to let them in, welcoming them with a quick hug trying to mask her insecurity.

 

“What are you doing here at this time of night?”  _I just want to sleep and forget about this week._

 

“Sorry hope we didn't wake you but Matt has something very important to say.”

 

“Uhm, sure. Okay” Alex said glancing at Matt.

 

“Yeah, Kaz helped me realize how thick I can be sometimes. I wanted to apologize for everything.”

 

“You already did today darling. That's no reason to knock on someone's door at three in the morning.” That came out snippier than Alex was hoping but she was slightly annoyed at their arrival.

 

“No.... I mean I know, but no. I need to apologize about today. I never meant it was a mistake. But, you were quiet and I was scared. And... uhm...”

 

“Why do you keep being scared around me? If you are then you should just leave me alone.”  _It'll be easier for both of us_.

 

“I don't mean like that, I'm nervous.”  _You make my knees week and I can't think straight_.

 

“The bloody idiot won't tell you he's madly in love with you and wants to jump your bones” Karen interrupted slurring the words slightly. Causing Alex and Matt to jump, forgetting she was there, and stare, in Matts case glare. Clearly the alcohol inhibiting her filter.

 

“Is that true?” Alex blushed as she looked back at Matts wide eyed face.

 


	8. showing your cards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff fluff fluff fluff
> 
> Oh, and they're finally getting together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all my readers. This weeks chapter's a bit late. 
> 
> As always, comments, kudos, and constructive criticism welcome!  
> and i of course do't know them or claim to know anything about their lives, this is for fun.

 “Is that true” Alex blushed, trying to hide the shocked look on her face.

 

If looks could kill the glare Matt gave Karen would have killed her sixteen ways to Sunday. _ShitShitShit really? Why the bloody hell would you call me out like that? Seriously?!_ But, alas they can't. So Matt was standing there in silence, staring, creating more tension then he thought possible.

 

“Oh, don't give me that look. Just tell her the truth.” Karen retorted.

 

This is the second time this week that Matt is blaming his actions on alcohol. He needs something to blame for his stupid actions. Turning slowly he looks towards Alex, able to tell she is getting impatient waiting.

 

“Uhm... Er...” _Crap, why do words always fail me around her_. “Well, yeah, she's right.”

 

“About?” Alex said tapping her foot, arms crossed. _I need to hear you say the words. Please just tell me._

 

“I like you, like really like you. I have since I first saw you. I like spending time with you, I like when you accidentally brush against me, I like the scent you leave lingering in a room, I like that my heart jumps when you laugh, I like the way your curls bob around your head, I like that you don't care what people think.” Pausing Matt adds “I like that you make me sound like a bloody school girl. Maybe I drank a bit much tonight” He glanced back at Karen who started giggling.

 

“Oh, well. That's nice dear. Maybe you should sleep it off then.” Trying to dismiss him. Alex had the intense desire to be alone and process what she just heard. _What? Since we first met? He sounds like he's gone mad. No one can think that about me. Maybe this is just some sick joke._

 

“No. Please, don't do that” _Really? I thought we were past this_

 

“Do what? I'm not doing anything” _Please, just leave it_

 

“Don't just brush this off as is I didn't say anything. Don't ignore me and pretend everything's okay. You're a good actor, I'll give you that, but you're not fooling anyone.”

 

“What do you want me to say? You show up here, drunk, confessing your undying affection, and what? Expect me to jump in your arms and live a happily ever after?”

 

“That's not what I'm saying.”

 

“Ugh” Alex groaned. “I know, I'm sorry. But I'm not ready to set myself up for getting hurt again. You won't even remember this conversation in the morning.”

 

“I will remember this in the morning. I remember every moment we spend together.” Matt said inching his was across the room, closer to Alex. “And, I promise you. I will never ever hurt you.”

 

Matt is standing right in front of her by now, and they just pause, staring at each other. Karen's quiet snores are the only sound breaking the silence.

 

_I can't get hurt again. This has all been too much. I like him too, but they all say they'll never leave. I have two failed marriages to prove it. I can't handle that again, the rejection, the pain, the lost feeling deep inside, the depression and sweat pants refusing to leave the house for weeks. I don't know if I can survive it all this time. He'll just leave, after we're done shooting together, and he'll never give me a second glace._

 

As if he could read her mind, Matt lifted a hand to her cheek. She jumped as she returned to reality. Calmly and slowly, making sure to look into her eyes to make her believe it. He simply said “I'm not them.”

 

“I know darling” She replied, visually relaxing. “I'm just scared.”

 

“Me too. I don't want to mess anything up. But I think I already have.” Before Alex could respond he added. “I would follow you to the end of the world if it means you'd just give me a shot. Please, say yes.”

 

Her eyes started to get cloudy with tears. _Bloody hell Alex, no crying. Pull yourself together. This wonderful man wants to be with you. Why can't you accept it?_

 

Matt realizing her eyes were filling with tears pulled her close in for a hug. Remembering how she's made comments jokingly about how she'd never find anyone because she was too old and broken Matt tried to sooth her.  _Maybe she wasn't joking, maybe she really believed it._

 

Rubbing his hand across her back murmuring “You're beautiful, and amazing and deserve everything in the world. I'll try my best everyday to make sure you remember that. To remember that you are worth everything to me.” This caused her to cry more.

 

As her sobs died down. Minutes, hours, it felt like forever later. She slightly pulled back and whispered “Yes. I don't know what I did to deserve you but yes.” and buried her head in his neck. 


	9. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short in-between chapter, basically waking up in the morning.  
> (Matt grows some balls)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! 
> 
> As always, comments, kudos and constructive criticism welcome.  
> I don't know these peoples lives or claim to, this is for entertainment purposes only.
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy!

Alex woke up stretching out on one of her living room chairs. Rubbing her eyes she tried to remember why she wasn't in her bed. The events of last night came back and she couldn't help the smile that broke across her lips. Looking around Karen was stretched out across her couch and Matt was sprawled across the floor. They were all going to have stiff joints for the day. 

 

Sneaking into the kitchen she set up the coffee maker. She shook the thoughts from her head, but kept drifting back to last night.  _ 'I'm not them'. Of course he's not but he'll get bored. He'll leave like everyone else. What the heck are you getting yourself into? _ Thoughts being interrupted by the sound of someone stirring in the living room. 

 

Matt forgetting where he was almost jumped off the floor, managing to his his head against the coffee table. Groaning in pain. This woken Karen up too. 

 

“Oi, noise down you clumsy giraffe.”

 

“Have a bit of a hangover there?” Matt winced at the light in the room, trying to figure out how much of his headache was from the alcohol last night, and how much stemmed from his recent accident. 

 

“I said quiet.” She moaned leaning back down on the couch. 

 

Alex walked in with two glasses of water and a bottle of paracetamol. Handing it to them with a smile. “Coffee's on the way” She said just above a whisper, having had enough hangovers in the past to be nice about it. 

 

“Thanks” they both muttered. 

 

The rest of the morning was fairly quiet, a few minimal conversations but nothing of content. Mostly just breaking the awkward silence yet avoiding the topic of the night before. They shared a car to work, figuring it was easier. Karen borrowed some of Alex's clothes, Matt not seeming to care about wearing the same clothes back to work.

 

On the way in, figuring it was unavoidable. Alex attempted at slicing through the tension clearly evident. “So. Are we ignoring it then?”

 

“No, no! Of course not” Matt replied as Karen was zoned out in the back seat. 

 

“Well, then. What do we do?”

 

“What do you want to do?”

 

“Really? I'm not playing kids games with you. I expect an answer not my questions being thrown back at me.” Alex stated clearly getting annoyed. 

 

“Well, I guess we go out. I think we should figure out what we're doing before we tell anyone though.”

 

“Okay. Agreed.”

 

“Dinner at seven?” He ignored the lump in his throat.  _What if she says no, takes it back?_

 

“What?” Alex responded, confused by his forward attitude all of a sudden.

 

“Why wait? Tonight. You. Me. Dinner. I'll pick you up at seven.” 

 

“Alright.” Alex said. A smile gracing her face. _This is really happening._

 

The day went normally. Filming taken care of fairly quickly. A few awkward glances between the three of them but nothing that anyone on the crew noticed. By the end of the day Alex and Matt were very anxious for the evening ahead. 

 


	10. First dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, they go on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, i don't know anything about them or claim to. this is purely for entertainment.  
> Comments, kudos, and constructive criticism encouraged.
> 
> Enjoy

Alex had been so worried her bedroom looked like a war zone with clothes sprawled everywhere from changing so frequently. She finally settled on a flowy black dress that she felt comfortable in yet gave her that confidence she felt like she was quite lacking at the moment. But the time approached and Matt called saying he was almost at her flat. She didn't want him to see the mess she made so she said she'd meet him outside. As she saw the headlights approach she took a deep breath and exited the flat.

 

Matt's breath hitched and he froze. The aurora borealis, the grand canyon, the Eiffel tower, the Mona Lisa, all of the world's beauty couldn't hold a candle to the look of Alex as she exited the flat for their date. The way her hair bounced as she walked, the flowing dress clinging to all the right places, the smile that lit up her face, everything about her just had such an effect on him. He remained frozen in place, unaware of time passing as his heart rate increased, face flushed, mind raced, and hands trembled in anticipation of what he hoped would be the best night of his life. He wouldn't be mistaken.

 

The restaurant they had reservations at was small, a chef had moved after finishing Le Cordon Bleu and decided to open this place. It was well known for it's ratatouille and desserts. Matt had only been there once with an ex and remembered that Alex had mentioned wanting to go.

 

She smiled as they pulled into the car park “You remembered?”

 

“Of course. Is this alright?”

 

“Perfect.”

 

They sat at their table, ordered some wine and their food, in mostly silence. This wasn't the awkward silence they became familiar with lately, there was an are of comfort that existed. Words weren't needed so they weren't used, afraid to stale the air around them. As they slowed down on eating Matt took the a chance at breaking the silence.

 

“I'm glad you sad yes.” He said playing with the remaining food on his plate, risking a glance to her face. She looked amused. _Was she laughing at me? What's so amusing? Is there food on my face?_

 

“I'm glad you finally asked.” she said, smiling.

 

“Finally?” _finally? What was that supposed to mean? Wait, that means she knew? I was making a right arse of myself acting like I was in grade school, and I did so bad hiding it that she knew? The whole time? Why didn't she say anything?_ His mind was reeling and showed no signs of slowing down.

 

Knowing she said something wrong by the look of his face she tried to backtrack. “I didn't mean that. I just mean from the other day with that whole kissing...” _incident, mistake, situation?_ “thing. I just thought. Hoped. That you would have asked after that is all. But that's in the past and I'm glad we're here now so can we forget about the whole thing?” _Shitshitshit I hope I didn't mess that up too bad. It was going so well._

 

“Yes, of course.”

 

With that they fell back into small talk. Work, the rain, construction on the road way. That awkwardness that disappeared came back, hovering. It didn't last for long. Dessert came out moments later, crème brulee with two spoons. As their utensils cracked the sugary crust and the mingled textures touched their tongues they both moaned at the extraordinary taste of such an ordinary item. Both causing them to giggle and settle back into being just content to sit at the table with the other.

 

“Thank you for a lovely evening.” Alex said as they walked to the car.

 

“You're welcome. But, it's not quite over yet.” Matt replied.

 

“What?” Alex blushed at the vague comment. _What? Did he just proposition me? I said nothing about more than dinner. Not that I'd mind but there is no reason for him to be so forward about it._

 

Catching his fault Matt added “I have another surprise for you before we head back.

 

They drove back, almost there Matt stopped the car, pulling into a car park. She smiled realizing that it was the cafe they had their first 'date' at. She laughed, the sound causing the little hair on Matt's neck to stand. _I'll never get bored of that sound_ he thought.

 

They ordered their tea and went for another brisk walk, along the waterway this time. Alex paused to admire the shimmer of the moon reflecting off the water. Everything seemed perfect in that moment.

 

“Beautiful” She whispered.

 

“Mmhmm” He agreed. She didn't notice that he was staring at her, not even recognizing there was anything else around, with the look of admiration as he responded.

 

“It's getting chilly, we should head back.”

 

“It is getting a bit cold.” Matt agreed, taking her hand as they turned to walk back. Other than that odd moment in the restaurant everything about this evening just felt right. Like they've been together for years, like this was the hundredth date they've had, not the first.

 

Matt went to drop Alex off and walked her to the door, like e was taught a proper gentleman would.

 

“Would you like to come in for some tea?” Alex asked, forgetting that she was still holding the takeaway cup in her hand. But not wanting the date to end just yet.

 

“We just got some” Matt laughed clearly missing the intention.

 

Alex laughed. “Well. Some biscuits to go with our tea then?” she inquired.

 

“Sounds good.” Matt said entering her flat.

 


	11. lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well, here's where the M rating comes in handy.   
> Seriously.   
> You've been warned.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, a fairly short chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at writing smut, this is actually my first attempt. It took me a long time to write this chapter then i kept deleting things, and, well.... here's the result. But, smutty none the less.  
> As well, don't worry more awkwardness exists in some upcoming chapters, in case you were missing it. 
> 
>  
> 
> As always- I don't know these people or claim to, this is for entertainment only.  
> Comments, kudos, and constructive criticism encouraged.

Crap! She forgot her flat was such a mess. She looked around, embarrassed at her abode. “Sorry about the mess, couldn't find what I was looking for.” She lied, picking up a few items and clothing that she promptly shoved in the closet, making a note to put everything away later.

“No worries.” He replied. “You've seen my flat, like a train wreck and tornado hit at once.”

She laughed. It was true, he was one of the messiest people she knew. She went to the kitchen and brought back biscuits, setting them on the coffee table she slumped into the couch next to Matt who was playing with the remote finding a football game.

They stayed like that for awhile. No words spoken just half paying attention to the match on the television.

Matt turned toward Alex with a smile on his face. “Today has been nice.”

“It has. Thank you.”

“You know it's not quite over.”

“That's the second time you've said that tonight.”

“True. But I still mean it, and last time was more innocent.” He said leaning towards her.

“Oh really?” She mused, a smile passed her lips as they met his.

The kiss was gentle yet needy. Their lips remained locked as they got used to the feel and taste of the other.

Some team scored on the football match and there was cheering and yelling on the television. This made Alex start laughing, breaking the kiss.

“What? Did I do something wrong?”

“Oh, gosh. No, of course not” She replied. “Someone must've scored a goal. The television started cheering us on.”

“Oh, yeah?” Matt laughed. “Well lets see if I can get a standing ovation.”

“Really?” Alex laughed and rolled her eyes.

Matt leaned back in and kissed her, harder this time. His tongue swept across her lower lip asking permission. Which she quickly gave. His hands found her hips, and hers found his biceps. Their tongues danced until they had to stop and catch their breath. Panting they pulled away, staring at each other.

“Beautiful. You're absolutely the most beautiful person I have ever met.” Matt cooed. Alex smiled and blushed in response.

They continued making out on the couch for awhile. Matt's hands appreciating every curve, every inch of Alex's body. Hers running across his muscles, he's less scrawny than he first appears she takes note.

“Bedroom?” he murmurs into her lips. She moans in response and goes to stand. They make their way across the flat without falling down surprisingly considering their lips barely parted in their trek. By the time they got there their clothes were strewn down the hallway.

Their bodies crashed to the bed and Matt was straddled over Alex's hips. His lips made their way down Alex's neck, he stopped to nip at her collarbone. Causing her to moan and her hips unintentionally thrust up into him, looking for friction. He kept kissing his way down her body, her hands in his hair. The sounds she made were primitive in nature, and each one shot right down to to his core; igniting a fire inside him.

She felt like her nerves were on fire. Each kiss, each bite, each lick felt like it went straight to her core. Her hips arching into him, looking for more, needing more. She moaned in pleasure, and growled in unadulterated lust. His teeth against her nipples were the final straw.

Her hands pulled him back up, before he could react she had her hands wrapped around his very erect member. He gasped. She tightened her grip a little then started moving her hand. “Please” She pleaded. He moaned in response and his hand slid between her thighs. She hissed and arched up.

Everything from there was a blur. They were a mass of guttural sounds, limbs everywhere, gentle kisses, hard bites, and hands all over. _How many hands does he have?_ She thought, interrupted by sheer pleasure. She came first, her spasming muscles bringing him close behind. They collapsed on the bed trying to get their breathing back under control.

“Remind me to tell you every day how amazing you are.” Matt said as he planted a kiss on Alex's forehead.

“You're the amazing one.” She replied, curling up against him, head resting on his chest.

Both of them wanted this moment to last forever. It just seemed so perfect.


	12. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing lasts forever. But, what will they do the next morning?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments, kudos, and constructive criticism encouraged!
> 
> As always- i don't know these people or claim to. This story is for fun.
> 
> Enjoy!

Of course, nothing lasts forever.

 

Alex woke in the morning, rolling over and jumping as she heard a gasp. Her arm flinging against something.... no someone. The previous nights activities came back to her as she came out of her sleeping grogginess. _What now? What does this mean now?_

 

Matt woke with a grunt as he felt an arm whack against his abdomen. He had a smile plastered to his face as the events prior came back to him. He rolled to his side facing his bedmate.

 

“mornin'” he murmured, still waking up.

 

“good morning darling”

 

“fancy breakfast?”

 

“Sure. Want me to make something or want to go out?”

 

“We should have time to swing by the diner?”

 

“Sounds good. Shower first” She said getting up and heading to the bathroom. When she entered the shower she just stood there, letting the water flow over her. _What am I doing? What does this make us? Is the just going to leave now? There's no way this is going to work. You are so stupid for agreeing. You're just going to get hurt in the end, you always do. He got what he wanted so he'll just leave._ Before she even realized it the water was turning cold.

 

“Shit” she said as she got out and dried herself off. There was a knock on the door.

 

“Hey, Alex. You okay? You've been in there awhile.” Matt's voice came through the do.

 

“Uh... Yeah. You know all this hair, it takes some time.” She tried to explain away.

 

“Okay, sure.” She heard as footsteps walked away.

 

Matt was sitting on the couch in the living area when she finally came out of the bathroom. Lost in his own thoughts. _What if she thought this was a mistake? What if she doesn't want me? I can't stop thinking about her and I could have screwed it up by moving to fast. I could have, no should have waited. Shit. I hope I didn't just mess everything up._ He jumped when he realized she was in the room too.

 

“Sorry, used all the hot water. Should be okay in a few.”

 

“Thanks, but I could use a cold shower. Its fine” He said walking past her and getting in the shower. _Damn this is bloody cold!_ He thought. But he was out within five minutes.

 

“That was fast.” She smirked as he reentered the room.

 

“Well, you know. Less hair to wash than yourself.” He retorted.

 

“Mhhmmm” She said in a non believing tone. “Need to swing by your place to get clothes?”

 

Matt nodded and they headed out. They stopped by his flat on the way to the diner. The trip was made in relative silence each person lost in their own thoughts.

 

Food was ordered and brought out before the quiet was broken.

 

“So.” Alex said. “What are we?”

 

“What?” Matt asked glancing up.

 

“Well. I mean... just... uhm.... am I a one night stand and we're ignoring last night, is this breakfast a goodbye and you don't want to see me again? Or are we going to be more? And have dates and dinners and shagging and all on a regular basis. Like dating dating? Not to push or anything I just want to know where I stand.”

 

Matt had a blush growing up his neck during her ramble. _Why does she make me so nervous?_ “Uh, yeah. Well, uhm... I'd like the dating thing. Unless you changed your mind last night? But I stick to what I said before. I'm not going anywhere. Unless that's what you really want. If so, thanks for at least giving me a chance.” He couldn't seem to stop the words from pouring out if his mouth in his state of emotion.

 

“No. No. No. That sounds good. I'd like that.” She smiled as they finished off their breakfast engulfed by silence again. They got lost again in their thoughts. Stealing glances at each-other with smiles plastered to their faces.

 

_Boyfriend. I like the sound of that. Oh, goodness I sound like a hormonal teenager. What the bloody hell does he do to me? But, now mine. Well, for the moment. Don't get too attached, he might leave. Realize you don't deserve him and run. You can't handle another broken heart. Don't get too attached._

 

_Girlfriend. I like the sound of that. Alex Kingston, the wonderful and perfect Alexandra Kingston is my girlfriend. How did I get to be so lucky? Why she'd want to date me I’m not sure but grateful for whatever it is. I don't even care that it sounds like I’m twelve, it just makes me so happy! Now I get to make her feel the same joy. Hmm, now I get to plan awesome dates, and finally get to snog her whenever I want. Oh, goodness. Alex Kingston is my girlfriend!_

 

 


	13. Wonderful World of Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the return of some awkwardness, but its all in good fun.  
> somewhat of a short inbetween chapter but is needed. you'll see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I appreciate each and every one of you!   
> Comments, kudos, and constructive criticism encouraged. 
> 
>  
> 
> As always- i don't know these people or claim to, the story is for fun. 
> 
> Enjoy!

They made it to set on time, sharing a car. Matt couldn't wipe the stupid smile off his face. Karen came up to him right after they entered, they always hang out together on set. As she approached he blushed, getting a shade redder with every step she took closer.

 

“Oi!” She said “What's got you so hot and bothered?”

 

“Uhm. What? Nothing!” Matt stumbled on his words.

 

“mmhmm” She said rolling her eyes, then looking over at Alex. Still standing next to Matt. “You have anything to do with this?” She said raising her eyebrows.

 

“Who? Me?” Alex replied with the most innocent tone she could muster. Then, unable to contain it any more, burst out laughing. Matt joined in.

 

Karen looked at the two like they had three heads. Then it clicked. “Oh, bloody hell! Really? You did? Congrats!”

 

“Did what Kaz?” Matt said looking over his friend, with the smile still plastered to his face. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

 

“Don't try to lie. I can tell. You finally hooked up!” She squealed. Matt and Alex both turned a new shade of red.

 

“Shh. Yeah we did but I don't want it announced around the lot.” Matt hissed, then added “It's none of their business what I do or don't do with my girlfriend.” His smiled widened at his own words.

 

“It's official? FINALLY!” Karen squealed at a decibel guaranteed to affect all dogs within the 50 kilometer radius. She then thrust herself forward crashed into both of them for a hug. 

 

“Yeah, it is. But my eardrums would appreciate it if you didn't tell the world.” Alex laughed.

 

“Sorry about that. I just get so excited. It took you long enough.” 

 

“I know, I get it. I should have asked a long time ago. But it doesn't matter because we're together now.” Matt replied.

 

“We should get going before Moff thinks somethings up.” Alex chimed in and they headed to the costume and make-up trailers. 

 

The rest of the morning went well. Other than Matt having a constant silly grin on his face, Karen giving them odd looks, and Alex stealing glances at Matt pretending that she could keep her eyes off him. But, who is she kidding, that was an impossible feat. There's something about him that held her attention, that made her heart skip a beat when he smiled at her, that made her feel invincible when he was around.

 

Karen told them that they're expected to go for drinks with her after work and tell her abut everything that's been going on with them since the night her and Matt had shown up drunk on Alex's doorstep. They conceded and headed to the pub together after work stopping by their flat to change. They chose to walk there, then they can get a taxi back. Karen wanted to know all about it. Especially since the week was almost over, and she wanted to know what they were planning when filming finished. As they walked and talked Alex and Matt realized they haven't figured that out yet.

 


	14. Friends and bars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> talking at the bar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you reading this! i appreciate you all! 
> 
> As always- i don't know these people or claim to, this is just for fun

The bar was pretty empty that night. It was a weeknight so that wasn't unexpected. They ordered drinks and found a small table in the corner. The quieter atmosphere was conducive to conversation. Not one to miss an opportunity, Karen spoke up. “So. Do tell!”

 

“There's not much to tell about.” Matt said while Alex blushed. 

 

“Yeah. Right.” Karen said with a roll of her eyes. 

 

“There's not!” Alex chimed in.

 

“How'd the date go?”

 

“I forgot you knew about it. Fine. It went fine.”

 

“Fine. Well then, why did you two show up to work in the same car today? Someone spend the night?”

 

“Maybe.” Matt grumbled

 

“Okay.... and?... come on don't leave a girl hanging.” Karen pushed.

 

“What? We just hung out, watched the footie game.”

 

“It's like pulling teeth with you two!”

 

“We don't have to tell you about our adult activities!” Matt snapped.

 

“Oh, so there were adult activities going on? What, prey tell, were these 'activities'? ” Karen smirked. 

 

“I plead the fifth.” Alex responded with a laugh. 

 

“That's an American thing, you've been spending too much time across the pond! It holds no water here!”

 

“Well, then I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request.” 

 

“Ugh. Fine. Just tell me did you guys finally properly hook up?”

 

Alex and Matt both blushed to the color of a tomato. “I'll take that as a yes.” Karen replied with a laugh.

 

“Okay, change of subject.” Matt offered.

 

“Okay. Okay.” Karen gave in. “So Alex, what are you up to when filming finishes this week?”

 

“Uhm, well, I'm heading back to LA. I have a couple offers for small television roles, have to read through the scripts and decide. Its only a tad over a month before I'm back for the Pandorica filming.”

 

“Well, make sure you keep in touch! When you get back to this side of the pond give me a ring!”

 

“Of course!” Alex exclaimed. 

 

The rest of the night passed with a little chatting and a lot of drinking. They most likely would be hungover the next day. No one cared, they were just enjoying spending time in each others company. Although they haven't been filming together for long they had quickly become a little family.

 

 


	15. Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Filming wraps for now, alex has to head to LA, long distance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate all of you reading this story! i hope you are liking it, let me know what you're thinking. I know its a bit sucky with the long distance but they'll be back on the same continent soon. Enjoy!
> 
> As always- i don't know these people or claim to. i also have no rights to skype. this is for enjoyment only.

The end of the week came quickly. Too quickly. Yet time stopped as a wrap was called for the week. There was a wrap party to be held at the local bar, of course. There was the normal hassle of loud music, stale air, alcohol lingering on breath, loss of coordination. Matt and Karen went home with Alex that night so they could bring her to the airport in the morning.

 

Karen slept off her consumption on the couch while Alex and Matt enjoyed the last night they'd have together for the next month.

 

Groggily they started to function in the morning. Inhaling coffee while packing what she needed to bring and swinging by a diner for a quick bite. The morning passed in a dark silence, no one wanted to part ways, but life has this inevitable way of changing.

 

They got to the airport in time for security processing and a chance at last goodbyes. It's only over a month but right now that time feels like its eternity. Karen's eyes get teary while she grasped onto Alex in the tightest hug she's ever given. Matt went to give Alex a hug and a gently kiss, trying to make sure that she wasn't late to make it to her plane. He just help onto her, refusing to move, afraid that once he let go she would disintegrate.

 

The call came for boarding and Alex wearily detached herself from her boyfriends side. She never minded the long flights before but this time was different. It gave her time to think, and that is the last thing that she needed to do right now. The last few weeks played over and over in her mind. Then came the other thoughts, the ones the bliss of infatuation kept her from.  _ Where do they go from here? Can a relationship really work like this? Where would they live? When will they work together again after this? What about the age difference? What if he changed his mind?  _ The spiral of thoughts remained until the plane touched down and all she could think about was what she had to get done to get settled back here. 

 

Matt went from the airport back to Karen's flat. They had the day off so he went back to Karen's and proceeded to get drunk and wallow in self pity. Karen gave up on trying to talk any sense into him she decided to distract him instead. They put on a dvd, but Matt wasn't paying attention.  _ What if she changed her mind? What if she backs out? What if she never comes back? But I love her, I need her to come back. I need to tell her exactly what she means. This will work. I'll do everything I can to make sure this works. _

 

His thoughts were interrupted by the buzz of his phone.

 

'landed okay. Miss you. Skype later?'

 

'of course. Miss you too.'

 

Later that day they skyped. The time difference was felt, it was late morning for her and evening for him. She was seven hours behind and she felt it like a train wreck, jet lag doesn't look good on anyone. The screen popping up with the image of their partner.

 

“Hello love.” _ImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyou_

 

“Hello darling.” _ImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyou_

 

“Flight went smoothly?”

 

“It was long but no issues.”

 

“That's good. I'm glad that we can talk like this at least, so I get to see your beautiful face. I miss you.” He said with a sad smile. _I miss the smell of your sunflower conditioner, the dip of your waist against my palm, the little smile you give when waking, the feel of our fingers intertwined as we walk, the way everything just feels right when we're together. The little things that create a big hole when they're gone._

 

“I'm glad we can too. Thank goodness for technology! I miss you too.” She smiled back. _I miss the intoxicating smell of your body wash, the way you stare at me with a grin when you think I’m not looking, the softness of your lips, the way you know how I like my tea, how safe I feel in your presence._

 

There was silence as they just stared at each other. The screen of the computer blurred with reality, it felt as though they could reach out and touch the other. Reality was not that kind. Alex was brought back to the present and tried desperately not to cry as she felt the miles between them. 

 

'How is filming going?”

 

“Brilliant. You know Moff...” Matt started rambling about the adventures and misadventures of the day. 

 

They talked about the day, about the weeks plans, made a skyping schedule, and talked about everything they could to avoid speaking about the fact they were on separate continents. Talking into early morning (for Matt; late night for Alex), both falling asleep at their computers. They survived the first day at this distance but both had lives they had to get back to soon. They had obligations to get back to, friends to talk to, work to think about. W _e both have lives to think about separately when all we want to do is be together._

 

 


	16. Away from her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two different continents, two different time zones. I realized i super suck at distant relationship writing so this chapter is quite short.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i appreciate all of my readers! Thank you for sticking around. Let me know what you're thinking! It will get a bit darker coming up but they'll still be together. any opinions on what you want going on will be considered.   
> Enjoy!
> 
> As always- i don't know these people or claim to. this is entirely for amusement.

 

The month went too slow. Wanting to have the familiarity of being in the others arms. They skyped every day. Alex took to daily baking after work, browsing through scripts while the oven heated its contents. Matt took to running. He hated running, no that was too nice of a word, he abhored it. However, the walking wasn't enough, so he took to running down the streets of Cardiff after work.

 

The days ticked by, both miserable unless talking with each other. On a particularity cold (for SoCal) morning Alex woke to over a dozen texts plaguing her phone. She couldn't help but smile.

 

'good morning!'

 

'It's like christmas eve'

 

'you'll be home tomorrow, right?'

 

'what time?'

 

'when should I get you from the airport?'

 

'we can do dinner.'

 

'will you go to dinner with me?'

 

'or a movie'

 

'or tea'

 

'or whatever you want.'

 

'we can stay in with movies too.'

 

'i'll cook.'

 

'i've perfected box mac and cheese.'

 

'maybe we should go out.'

 

'then movie and popcorn in.'

 

'you can stay here if you want.'

 

'Kaz is laughing at me now. But she told me to tell you to call her.'

 

'can't she just call you?'

 

'or we can have breakfast with her.'

 

'just you and me tomm though. I don't want to share.'

 

'I miss you.'

 

'I have to go before Moff yells at me to pay attention again. I hope you have a good day. Bye.'

 

Alex just laughed at the barrage of messages, happy that she's heading back across the pond. _It's really cute how excited he is. I’m looking forward to it too. We need this. I just miss being with him, curled under a blanket watching a movie, the smell of his shampoo lingering in the air. It was rough to be so far away even though we have been talking the whole time. I need to be on the same continent again, in the same town, in the same building, on the same couch._ Alex's mind wandered the rest of the day as she made her way through her duties. Replying quickly to Matt her ETA tomorrow and sending a message to Karen to meet up.

 

The day went by pretty quick, and Alex was boarding her plane before she knew it. Talking briefly to Matt. She got settled and pushed away the bad feeling in her gut as nerves. Alex focused on being on her way home, she always felt like she was home in Matt's arms. But the bad feeling grew as the land below the plane shrunk.

 


	17. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bad feelings come to light.
> 
> a bit of a short chapter but felt like the right place to end it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! i appreciate it and hope you're liking the story! don't worry the dark twist won't last for long but sometimes the darker days make the lighter ones brighter. let me know what you're thinking! hopefully it's not that i'm being too evil with the story right now but they'll be back to awkward happiness soon!   
> Enjoy!
> 
> As always- i don't know these people or claim to. this is just for fun.

The flight proceeded without issue. As Alex went through the gates heading towards the car park she turned on her phone to call Matt and see where he was. It didn't even ring once before it went to voice-mail.

 

“You have reached the mailbox of Matt Smith, please leave a message after the beep. Beeeeeeeep.” H _mm, thats odd. Straight to voice-mail so his phone isn't even on. Maybe he's late I'll call the flat._

 

That rang for awhile before heading to voice-mail. She left a brief message but got increasingly worried. _What's going on? Is he just ignoring me on purpose or just forgot? But his phone is never off. Something is not right here._ She waited for awhile longer then decided to call Karen.

 

“You're back!”

 

“Hello to you too!” Alex smirked. “I have a quick question. Have you seen Matt?”

 

“I saw him quick this morning. He was on his way to the airport. He should be there by now. He's not?” the concern was clearly evident in her voice.

 

“No. he's nowhere to be found and his phone went right to voice-mail. I'm worried.”

 

“Me too. That's not like him. Want me to come and pick you up then we can figure out what's going on?”

 

“Yes please. If you don't mind of course.”

 

“Of course not. See you soon.”

 

They hung up and Alex had no choice but to wait awkardly at the airport. She stopped by a little shop and picked up a magazine and newspaper settling in. The bad feeling in the pit of her stomach was growing every second. She couldn't focus on the articles as she read the same sentence over and over not a word sinking in.

 

It felt like forever before her phone rang again, she answered it without looking at the caller ID hoping it was Matt. She was greeted with Karen's voice alerting her of her arrival. As Alex entered Karen's vehicle she could see the worried look on her friends face.

 

“Sorry it took a bit longer than usual. Traffic jam a bit back for a car accident they're still clearing.”

 

“No worries. That happens a lot on that road, people don't always pay attention to their surroundings.”

 

The radio was on quietly and they were heading back as a nervous thought came across Alex's mind.

 

“Oh my gosh. Wait. Did you see the car? Was it Matt's? Oh my gosh! What if it was him? What did the accident look like? Tell me!”

 

“Whoa. Whoa. Calm down. Don't get ahead of yourself. First I was on the far side and didn't see the accident. Second it's bloody Matt Smith it would be on the news by now. And third if it was him you would've gotten a call, right? Laura or his parents would've called when they heard. You've met them and they know how much you mean to each other. You would've heard.”

 

Just then they were interrupted by the sound of Alex's phone ringing.

 

 


	18. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who was that calling? Is Matt okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate you all that have stuck with this story!  
> I'm sorry this weeks update is late but had a burial for my friend and didn't get online.  
> Well, we find out about the call. It's a little nicer than my latest chapters have been! let me know what you're thinking. there may or may not be more complications coming along but that would be telling. Enjoy!
> 
> As always- i don't know these people or claim to. this is for fun only.

Just then they were interrupted by Alex's phone ringing. She didn't even bother to look at the caller ID as she answered.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Alex?”

 

“Matt? Oh my goodness! You weren't at the airport then there was this accident! Where are you? Are you okay?” Alex rambled into the phone while Karen let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

 

“I'm okay love. I'm sorry about not being at the airport, I know about the accident. I was in it, third car in the four car pile up. It took awhile for them to let me use the phone from the hospital.”

 

“WHAT?!?! You're in the hospital? Which one? We'll be right there! Are you okay? No, of course you're not, you're in the hospital!” Alex is hyperventilating by this point, her thoughts rambling from her mouth with no cohesiveness.

 

“Alex..... Alex... ALEX!” Matt spoke firmly to get her attention, hopefully quieting her thoughts for the moment. “I'm fine okay. Just a little beaten up, I’m only here as a precaution. Okay? I'm fine love.”

 

Karen made her way to the hospital, following the speed limit to avoid another accident today. However, this speed was too slow for Alex's wandering mind. Karen tried to sooth her friend but knew the only thing that would calm her at this point is seeing Matt.

 

They make their way to the hospital and subsequently his room. Walking in Alex gasps. “You said a little beaten up! You have a cast on your leg! That's more than 'a little'!”

 

“My lengthy giraffe legs hit the dashboard. I've done worse tripping over my own two feet.” Matt laughed trying to lighten the mood.

 

“Oh darling....” Alex sighed, joining Matt in the small hospital bed. She curled up against him “Never scare me like that again.”

 

“Never.” Matt reassured, wrapping his arm around her.

 

Karen finally spoke up “You let anyone else know you're here yet? Want me to call anyone?”

 

“Thanks. The hospital called my parents when I was admitted. I haven't called Moff yet but I wouldn't want to do that to you.” Matt winks.

 

“He'll have to start figuring out how many ways can we make the Doctor sit without it looking weird.”

 

“Or have me standing behind people and tables.”

 

“Just film waist up from now.”

 

“It may kill him to not have me run for a bit.” Matt laughed.

 

“There is quite a lot of running with the doctor.” Karen laughed.

 

Matt looked down seeing the steady breathing of Alex wrapped around him, fast asleep.

 

“I'm glad you're okay.” Karen said with a smile tugging at her lips as she turned to walk away.

 

“Me too.” Matt said. “Sorry to worry you. You can stay if you want Kaz. I can only count the tiles on the ceiling so many times. I also think they're letting me out soon.”

 

“I'll give you a ride home. That will stink, no more long drives for awhile.”

 

With that the nurse entered. “No, definitely no driving for awhile. Sorry it took so long but needed to wait for the doctors signature on your discharge orders” The petite brunette approached. “I have to go over a few things, do you want your guests to leave?”

 

“No, thank you. I'd have to repeat everything to them anyway.” Matt shook Alex awake.

 

The nurse went over the discharge information, passing the folder along to Matt. “Any questions?” She finished. “Nope. I'm ready to go home.”

 

They proceeded out to Karen's car, a hundred or so feet away Matt froze on his crutches. Staring at the car, his breath hitched and there wasn't enough oxygen in the world for him to catch his breath. Realizing he was no longer beside her Alex turned around and saw the pure fear in Matt's eyes.

 


	19. With my life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, they have to get home but matt's afraid of getting back in the car after his accident. angst and fluff ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, i appreciate you! Let me know what you think! I know the last few chapters have been angsty, this one is a bit fluffy too. If you guys have strong feelings that you love or hate the angst let me know and i can dial it down after he starts to recover from the accident if needed, but for now I'm liking the angst. Enjoy! 
> 
> As always- i don't know these people or claim to. this is for entertainment only.

Realizing he was no longer beside her Alex turned around and saw pure fear in Matt's eyes. She rushed to his side.

 

“I.... I.... I....” Matt stutters not being able to form a coherent string of words. His breathing was becoming shallow and rapid, he was quickly becoming on the verge of passing out. 

 

“Love, you have to breathe.” Alex soothes, she reaches her hand to rub his back but abruptly stops when he flinches. “Oh, honey.” She notices his body starts to get wobbly on the crutches and leads him to the nearest bench with the help of Karen. 

 

“Can you go but a bottle of water?” Alex inquires directing her attention at their friend.

 

“Yeah, sure.” Karen says as she walks away.

 

Focusing her attention back on the man she loved her heart broke seeing the fear in his eyes. “Love, I just need you to breathe okay? I know its scary, some mundane daily task just got turned upside down, that it happened but it could never happen to you. You have every right to be afraid. But, you can't let it stop you. You can't let fear control you. Never run away when you're afraid, okay?” She soothed. 

 

Matt looked at her and slowly nodded. “It's not like I can just walk home.” He tried to joke but the smirk never reached his eyes. She let out a little laugh “True darling, we just need the TARDIS so you can move where ever you need.”

 

Karen walked back at that time with a bottle of water, happy to see his somewhat more relaxed posture. “You okay?”

 

“I will be Kaz.” 

 

“Good. So, uhm, what are we doing about getting home?” Kaz questioned

 

“Well, Matt do you trust me?” Alex asked. 

 

He swallowed hard, throat still dry even after the water. “With my life” he replied slowly staring into her eyes. 

 

“We're going to slowly move to the car, okay? You can take breaks whenever you need, or you can close your eyes and we'll lead you. Then I'll sit in the back with you, and hold your hand and we can talk or play games or whatever you want as a distraction. We can pull over whenever you need or if you start feeling sick. We're going to go at your pace, but you need to get home.”

 

“Bloody hell, I'm such a mess! What about getting to work and all. How am I supposed to function if I get freaked by a sodding metal box on wheels!” Matt exclaimed as his heart rate started to increase again. 

 

“Calm down love. We'll deal with tomorrow tomorrow and the day after the day after. Right now I need you here in the moment, not worrying about the future. We'll handle it as it comes. You ready?”

 

“Yeah. Uhm. Can I you know, close my eyes as you guys help me to the car? I think that will help.”

 

“Of course love. First I want you to take some deep breathes and make sure you're calm first. Can you do that for me?”

 

“I'd do anything for you.” Matt replied taking deep breathes. He stood and with some help was lead to the car. Karen opened the door for them. Matt and Alex slid inside the back seat while Karen went to the drivers side. She took a moment before turning on the engine, causing Matt to grasp Alex's hand like a vice. 

 

“Sweetie, it's okay. I'm here. I need you to take some more of those deep breathes though.” She whispered in his ear while wrapping her free arm around him. His eyes were still sealed shut as he tried to calm down, they didn't even start moving before Alex could feel his tears falling on her shoulder. She hadn't thought her heart could fall anymore until that moment. 

 

 

 


	20. Freeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt's adventure home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you're enjoying the story. i know this is a weird chapter but i needed to include their helplessness now for something coming up to have more meaning. let me know what you think!   
> Enjoy!
> 
> As always- i don't know these people or claim to. this story is purely for fun.

_The funny thing is they say 'fight or flight' like that's the only two options. But they're forgetting about one and in this moment I understand it too well. Freeze. I can't move if I wanted to. You could offer me millions of dollars to just wiggle my fingers and I wouldn't be able to. The rumble of the tires against the road flood my ears. I swear I can hear the frame of the car creaking like its going to fall apart at any moment. The seat belt feels like its squishing all the air out of my body. I can't breathe._ Matts mind races as Karen tries to drive home as quickly as she could, but it's not fast enough. Alex's hand aches where the circulation is being cut off by Matt's deathly grasp. 

 

Suddenly after hitting a rut in the road Matt's face shifts from the ghost white thats been there since his body touched the seat into a light shade of green. 

 

“Pull over! Now!” Alex demands.

 

“What?” Karen asks looking into the rear view mirror, seeing Matt look like a chameleon in how fast he's changing color and she pulls over immediately. Alex barely gets the door open and Matt sitting on the edge before he's sick. They all are somewhat grateful that he wasn't in the mood to eat this morning. He tried to get fully out of the car but Alex held him in place. _If he get's out of the car now there's no way in all the earth I will get him back in this car._

 

They get him cleaned up and get back on the road. The trip seemed to take forever even though they knew the route and logically it didn't take any longer than before. They only had to stop two more times on the way for Matt being sick. The making him sick to his stomach and the crying giving him a headache, but he couldn't help it. 

 

As they pulled up to the flat Alex barely got Matt's seat-belt unhooked before he threw himself from the car stumbling down to the ground. He was so happy to be out of the car for a moment it looked like he was going to kiss the ground beneath his feet. 

 

Getting inside had some difficulties but as soon as Matt's body hit the couch the adrenaline that was keeping him alert drained from his body and he was beyond exhausted. He barely mumbled a 'thank you' before he was asleep. 

 

The girls made there way to the kitchen to talk, and preferable drink something a bit stronger than water. They sat at the island with drinks in hand and silence filled the room, but their minds were anything but quiet. 

 

Finally Karen broke the terrible silence. “What do we do?”

 

“I don't know.” Alex sighs “The only thing we can, support him.”

 

“He can't even go in a car anymore.”

 

“He will, we will do anything to help. The hospital passed along a therapists number too. I'll call in the morning.”

 

“Good. What about work? There's no way he can get there and he's the bloody main character!” 

 

“I know Kaz. I think we have to call Moff and let him know whats going on.”

 

“I'll do it. I don't want to talk to him but maybe i'll feel less useless.”

 

“Thanks. It hurts to see him hurt like this. The leg stinks but his mind is broken, he seemed so defeated in the car.”

 

“I know, it hurts me too to see him like this and not know what to do.” 

 

“That's what the internet is for.” Alex said trying to laugh

 

“I'll make some tea if we're going to be on google the whole night.”

 

They got a station set up in the kitchen with drinks, snacks and a laptop and set to work. 

 

 


	21. Defeated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt is becoming defeated by the stressful situation of the day.  
> Inbetween-ish chapter but needed for you to get fluff back! :-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around and still reading. Let me know what you think. Fluff back soon but of course i need to set up for that. Also know that i mainly have these three taking care of each other his family is not forgotten, the incident has just happened. Enjoy! 
> 
> As always- i don't know these people or claim to, this is purely for entertainment.

Moments later the women in the kitchen were interrupted by a thud coming from the living room. They looked towards each other for a moment then rushed into the other room to see the disheveled man laying on the ground next to the couch he had been on moments before. As he looked up to the new arrivals in the room his face blushed a bright red.

 

“Uhm... I just...” He stumbled, unable to come up with an excuse.

 

“Are you alright, sweetie?” Alex asked as she helped him back onto the couch.

 

“Yeah, just kind of rolled off the couch.” He mumbled, turning even more red.

 

“Maybe I should get you up to bed then?” She laughed. “Harder to fall off of.”

 

“I think I'm okay here.” he replied, afraid to face a trek up the stairs.

 

“You need sleep and its better up there than here.”

 

“I could think of better things to do up there than sleep.” He winked.

 

“Hey! Still in the room!” Karen replied breaking their conversation.

 

They both looked over at her forgetting momentarily her presence. She just shook her head and walked back to the kitchen to give them a moment alone. They briefly embraced and kissed, Alex pulling back. “Okay, you do need to sleep. Do you want to go upstairs or just try to stay here?”

 

“If you pass me some pain medication than I'm up for heading upstairs. If you'll join me of course.”

 

“Of course darling, but first you'll get settled as I have some things to take care of.”

 

Karen came back in the room with a glass of water and his prescription.

 

“Thanks Kaz.”

 

“What I'm here for.”

 

The trip upstairs was daunting, there was a lot of pausing and cursing under his breath as the women helped him make it upstairs. By the time they got to the last step he felt frustrated at himself, defeated, and absolutely exhausted. He collapsed on the bed as Karen let Alex know she was heading home to catch some sleep too and would be back in the morning. Alex changed and curled into bed next to the man she loved. Her heart broke looking back on the events of the day but more so than it hurt her to see him physically broken was to see him mentally broken. The defeat, hopelessness, and anguish clear in his eyes, yet he looked so peaceful in his rest.

 


	22. Movie day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've given you a lot of angst so here's a fluffier chapter for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying! i threw in some fluff so i'm a bit less angsty than the latest chapters! I know I'm making Matt super needy but it happens. let me know what you're thinking! Oh, and sorry for the late update- 16 hour work day yesterday so didn't get online.  
> enjoy! 
> 
> As always- i don't know these people or claim to. the story is for fun.

 

They woke up in the morning wrapped around each-other. For a moment it was just a perfect moment, the sun cascading through the window, the birds in the distance, the warmth from the accompanying body. Until Matt tried to roll over his cast getting tangled in the sheets and the while situation came bounding back into his mind.

 

He sighed and laid back as Alex curled up closer to him starting to stir. She looked up with a smile. “How are you feeling sweetie?”

 

“Always fine when I'm with you.” He wrapped his arms around her and hoped she missed the wince as he moved, his whole body was more sore today as the random bruises set it. She hadn't missed it.

 

“Smooth, but I think you need a pain pill before we tackle the day. I'll be right back.”

 

“There's something else I'd rather tackle right now.” He quips holding her closer and kissing her head.

 

“I see you missed me.” She winked rolling off the bed.

 

“I haven't seen you in a month! Of course I missed you!” He called after he down the hall.

 

She came back with a glass of water and his prescription. After he took them they settled to wait for an effect while figuring out the plan for the day. Alex had the day off anyway and they had called to let Moffat know that he wouldn't be back until at least the end of the week. The schedule was rearranged so any scenes without the doctor would be filmed first. Then they would figure out how to hide his cast and tackle the problem of transportation. Until then they were going to give him a bit of a break.

 

“Movie day?” Matt threw out the option, minimal movement is ideal. 

 

“Sounds good. I'll make breakfast while you set up the lineup. This better be better than your choices last time!”

 

“What? Moll Flanders is a classic!” He laughed. Matt knew Alex hated watching herself act but he couldn't help himself. 

 

“Fine. But then I'll make you watch The Shadow in The North.”

 

“Hey! I'll take that as a compliment you want to watch me.”

 

“Who say's I'm watching for you? I just wanted to see Billie Piper!” 

 

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, nothing that we're in. I'll come up with something good.” He assured.

 

“Good decision love. Now, do you want waffles or pancakes?”

 

“Whatever you feel like. These pills may take away the pain but they make me nauseous.”

 

“More the reason to eat when taking them. I'll make waffles. You want help downstairs for some change of scenery?”

 

They made their way downstairs and breakfast was made and eaten. They had coffee and popcorn watching movies and dozing off. Karen called to check up on them and let them know she'd stop by later in the evening with dinner.

 

The awkward moments that they frequently had before she left seemed to disappear for now, only the occasional one left. Like when she had to help him change his pants around the cast like she was dressing a child. Mostly they joked and she reminded him if he didn't want help she could always cut up the legs of all his pants. He quickly recanted his complaints.

 

They avoided talking directly about the situation and that he needed help to get over this now dominant fear. She understood but she also understood that he can't just let this freeze his life. She wanted to give him a day though before they discussed it, fearing he would get just as angry at her as the situation. He was perfectly content trying to pretend nothing happened and they fell into a comfortable situation.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i had accidentally posted a chapter of my other story on this one, i was rushing. i apologize for any confusion.


	23. Opening up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have to talk about it sometime, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking around and still reading. i hope you are liking it. let me know if there's anything you want to see happen, or just let me know what you are thinking. Enjoy!
> 
> As always- i don't know these people or claim to, this is for fun.

Of course they had to talk about it sooner or later. That didn't make either person dread it less. After the food was eaten, movies watched and clothes changed they curled on the bed together resting in silence. The tension in the room palpable.

 

“Well, sweetie, I think we have a lot to talk about.” Alex begun.

 

Matt shifted in her arms, uncomfortable with the situation but knowing she was right.

 

“You want to start of want me to?” She held onto him a bit tighter, trying to calm him. _At least he literally can't run away. Alex laughed at the morbidity of her own thoughts but she knew if he couldn't run from his problems he'd have to face them. At least she hoped as much._

 

He stayed silent. “I know it sucks love. I do. But you aren't going to get anywhere standing still. The first step moving forward is talking to me. I want to help you, and I will do everything I can to make you feel safe again. Hiding is just going to make it worse though. Please, talk to me.”

 

“I don't know what to say. I just feel so broken. I can't even get in a sodding car. How am I supposed to function when I can't even get in a car?”

 

“Well, we can work on exposing you to being near and in the car, and eventually back to being a passenger and driving after that. It will be difficult and long but we can do it. Until then.... how do you feel about buses?”

 

Matt laughs and is grateful she lightened the mood a little. He huffed a laugh and took a deep breath.”You know you didn't sign up for this....”

 

“Oh, no no no no. You do not get to pull that. When I said yes, when I threw myself into this relationship I put all of me in and I expect you to do the same. I'm here through all of the good and the bad no questions asked. But we do have to talk about things for them to get better. I'm not going to high tail it the moment a bump in the road happens.”

 

“Thank you love.”

 

“Anytime sweetie. Nice try on deflecting but the way but we're not done with the conversation.”

 

“Ughhh.” Matt groaned as Alex released a little laugh.

 

“I know it's stupid and I'll get over it I just need some time.”

 

“I know love. I also think it would be good for you to go talk to someone.”

 

“I'm talking to you.”

 

“No dear, I mean a professional.”

 

“I don't want to go to a shrink. How would I even get there? Ha”

 

“Well, Karen and I looked up some things and there are a few people who could come here and talk to you, do some exposure therapy, and once you're ready you'd start going to the office after.”

 

“I'm not getting out of this, am I?”

 

“No such luck.”

 

“Fine. I'll call and set an appointment tommorrow.”

 

“Already set for her to come by on Tuesday as long as you agree. I just need to call her back to confirm you are aware and consent.”

 

“Wow, you got a lot of work done when I was asleep.”

 

“I just want to help. I printed out some information for you to read too. If you want me to back off though let me know, I don't want to smother you.”

 

“Thank you for printing that off, I would love to read it. I appreciate all that you're doing.” Matt turned his head and kissed Alex, something he would never tire of doing. “Have I told you lately you're perfect?”

 

“I love you too” Alex said against his lips returning the kiss. They got distracted and things progressed (come on, they haven't really seen each other for a month), they fell asleep in each others arms. It was the beginning to a difficult journey but as long as they were together they knew they could accomplish anything.

 

 


	24. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet with the therapist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with the story. This chapter is a bit short and dry but needed for what comes next (more angst and fluff of course!). let me know what you think!  
> Enjoy!
> 
> As always- I don't know these people or claim to. This story is for entertainment only.

Tuesday was coming faster than anticipated. Matt stayed huddled up in the house, he made brief treks outside but they didn't last for long. The days molded together, Moffat had still given him time to get better and called Alex almost daily for updates.

 

Monday night Alex and Matt laid in bed. Neither could fall asleep with the anticipation the next day held. Alex was worried about how the session would go, if she made the right decision setting it up for him. She could tell he was worried and she was afraid she was pushing him. Matt on the other hand was worried about everything. What would happen with work, what would happen with the session, what if this didn't work. What if.... What if.... What if....

 

They both had a restless fitful sleep for the night and morning came too soon. Alex was up early making breakfast but both were too nervous to eat. Soon enough they heard a knock on the door and both people froze. Alex was the first to compose herself and let the stranger in.

 

The therapist was a short woman, her brunette hair in a pony tail, glasses on her face. She held a small smile and seemed to give off an aura of comfort. At this moment the occupants of this building were still quite nervous. The three of them settled on the couches in the living room for introductions after tea was made.

 

“Hello, I am Dr. Stefanie Adams. I spoke to both of you briefly on the phone but I think I should tell you what I do and what the ground rules are before I continue. If you don't agree I can leave no questions asked and give you other associates numbers for you to consider. If you have any questions i'll do my best to answer them for you. Alright?”

 

“Okay” Matt and Alex responded in unison.

 

“I'm here to help you with your fears. I'm going to show you that you have some uncomfortable feelings but they are not going to hurt you. I will ask you to do things that you think are silly or may increase your levels of stress and anxiety. They are all for a reason, but I guarantee you that I will not ask you to do anything that will hurt you or that I think you are incapable of at the time. If you don't think you can do something, tell me, and we will talk about it. I will talk you through everything. And after you do something we will talk about it. There will be a lot of talking involved so before we dive into anything we will do just that, talk. So I get to know what you're thinking, what you're worried about. In turn you get to know me and learn to trust me so that you will do the things I need you to and be able to talk with me through it. I will also ask Alex to come to a couple of sessions if you feel comfortable with that so that you learn to communicate with each other.”

 

“Sounds good.” Matt replied.

 

Dr. Adams then went into her normal confidentiality speech, including that if he is a harm to himself or others that she will have to disclose that information and it is no longer confidential. Her base rules were openness and honesty. Everyone could agree to that. Stefanie then spent some one on one time with Matt getting to know him so they could get comfortable with each other. By the time Dr. Adams left the next appointment was booked and both were feeling better about this therapy thing. Matt didn't quite know yet how much he was going to have to push his now very small comfort zone.

 


End file.
